Corporate Love-in

I was going to post about Friday’s love-in, but then I decided it was far too dull. Just because I had to sit through it doesn’t mean any of you should have to. See how much I love you?

I did learn a few things, though. And I think I should share.

Firstly, if you are giving a presentation to a bunch of important strangers, and you are nervous, and you get there early, and you find yourself in a room with only the Uber-boss and his second-in-command, and they are talking about Pink Floyd and which songs they like, the best way to make yourself less nervous is to insert yourself into the conversation by helpfully singing part of On the Turning Away to assist them with its identification. Because then later, when you’re watching all the managers of the other units give professional looking presentations using the corporate template, which you didn’t even know existed, and you are thinking to yourself oh my god, I not only have nothing to say but my visual aids suck and everyone is going to wonder why I am up there and not my manager, and everyone will laugh at me, you can think well, I’ve already made an utter, utter fool of myself this morning and at least I don’t have to sing during the presentation.

Also, full stops are overrated.

Secondly, nobody in my entire department has a clue what they are doing. We all cover it up with business mission statements that say things like ‘provide timely and relevant advice to stakeholders’, which is very helpful because otherwise I’d provide totally irrelevant information in my own sweet time.

“Tanya, can you check the latest amendment to the [Title of] Act and let me know what implications that has for our Chief Executive? I have to brief [Group of Important People] at 4pm. Thanks.”

"Sure"(two weeks later) “The Taningia danae squid has the ability to flash lights from strobe-light organs at the tips of two of its arms. Also, claws.”

Thirdly, I don’t have a thirdly. Except ‘corporate love-ins should have alcohol’, but let’s face it, you could substitute almost anything for the words ‘corporate love-ins’ and I’d still agree. So, you know.