Friday, June 30, 2006

Oops

How not to be hungover, miserable, and in pain at work: an instruction manual


1. Do not go out drinking the night before
2. Whilst out drinking the night before, do not order a second bottle of wine
3. After ordering a second bottle of wine, realise that this is your limit, has always been your limit, and will always be your limit. Do not, therefore, convince yourself that a third bottle of wine is a good idea.
4. Do not drink the third bottle of wine that has now been ordered.
5. No, really. Don’t drink the third bottle of wine.
6. When on the bus home, stay on the bus the entire way. Do not decide to get off a couple of stops early and walk.
7. When deciding to get off bus and walk, to clear head, factor in the uncomfortable shoes that are causing blisters
8. When off the bus, on a country road, in shoes that are causing blisters, do not decide to walk home anyway
9. When, limping, reach home, drink large amount of water, take Panadol, Vitamin B complex, etc. Shower. Brush teeth. Do not fall into bed and drop into unconsciousness.
10. When wake up in morning with headache, nausea, etc., get up and drink more water, another hot shower, etc. Jogging is good to increase metabolism, burn off alcohol faster. Do not lift head from pillow, determine are likely to be sick and walking will hurt, and therefore go back to sleep.
11. Do not go to work.

I’m pretty sure my mother will never read this. But if I’m wrong: hi, Mum. None of that happened. And hi to my boss, too: I totally have a stomach bug.

3 Comments:

Blogger Ange said...

Ooh. You really shouldn't have got off the bus. I got back to Bruce's (after taking the half bottle we didn't drink with me) and proceeded to eat pasta in sauce and drink more wine.. then talk crap to Bruce and fall asleep much later. Then I bloody woke up at 4am, didn't I? Grr!

30 June, 2006  
Blogger Mel said...

I suggest Mercindol Day strength... repeat after me, "Codine is your friend"....

01 July, 2006  
Blogger Mel said...

I should have made ben read your etry befoe we went to Bruce's housewarming last night... uhappy headachey Ben this morning.... :-)

02 July, 2006  

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