And then there are the days one might as well have stayed in bed

I use a product every morning that come in individual wrappers, and for some inexplicable reason these wrappers are printed with random factoids. You know, like Cleopatra sometimes wore a beard, or bats always exit caves to the left*.

Anyway, this morning's fact was 'if you sneeze too hard you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze you can burst a blood vessel in your neck or head and die'.

Well, okay then.

In other news, did you know that even if you have put on a nice, new, professional looking dark brown wrap dress, found a hair clasp that matches, managed to paint your nails a complementary golden brown and unearthed the one pair of nude stockings that still fit, the 'most polished you have looked in weeks' effect is somewhat diminished when you discover at 10.30am that the dress is on inside out?

I mean, I wouldn't have minded, but do you know how much effort it takes for me to look even slightly appropriate for work these days?

Matters did not improve when I (having taken the dress off and put it on the right way) went out to lunch and dropped puttanesca sauce on my belly. It used to be my cleavage I dropped food onto, but now my belly sticks out even further. I'm not convinced that this is an improvement.

Is anyone still out there?

*Okay, I actually learnt that from watching Ricky Gervais on The Daily Show the other night. When I tried to Google it just now (accuracy of reporting being ever my watchword) I hit this explanation, which I am reproducing here for the line "This is the most moronic answer that I have ever encountered". And then I regoogled and got this, which I feel beats even the former answer. Wikianswers is now my new favourite site.