Tuesday, September 11, 2007

The post I'm posting prior to posting a post

I've been reading fitness and lifestyle magazines online, recently, because – well, it's practically like actually exercising, surely? Anyway, I'm browsing Self and I come across an article entitled '31 days to great sex (try one easy tip a day)'. Okay then

Tip 1: Sleep in the buff.

Okay, now, not to judge, but…

Is it at all possible that a woman who is looking for ways to entice her partner into more frequent sex hasn't already tried taking her clothes off? I mean, at all possible?

The other top four, for the record, are:

"Work out", which – well, it's a fitness magazine, isn't it? I mean yes okay, but it's hardly news.

"Initiate a quickie". I don't have a position on this one, but I am somewhat perplexed by the accompanying picture, which appears to suggest that you should climb atop your husband whilst he lies back and reads the newspaper.

"Turn in early". You mean I'm more likely to want sex if I'm not exhausted? Who knew?

"Stop eating two hours before you go to bed". Apparently 'feeling full can diminish desire', according to some expert who has never met a Taurean. She doesn't explain why except to say that 'heavy meals may cause a woman to feel less sexy' which rather suggests that this is more societal than anything else (and god forbid the solution should be 'learn to love your body' instead). I wouldn't be so offended, but the suggested solution is to keep a stash of frozen meals around so that you can 'nuke your nosh'.

So giving up a shared, lingering dinner of salmon and asparagus with a glass of sauvignon blanc, followed by some cheese and strawberries and port and meaningful looks over a candle-lit table, instead going for a frozen piece of tasteless chicken and pre-boiled peas, is going to improve my libido.

She really hasn't met a Taurean before, has she?

The whole thing baffles me, perhaps even more than the average Cosmopolitan 'sex tip' articles. It's not that I expect every woman to have the skills and repetoire of a high class escort (and in fact it annoys me that we do in fact seem to be expected to these days), but I would think that the sort of woman who is buying womens' magazines in the first place, a genre aimed at 'improving' oneself for the delectation of one's mensfolk...already know that getting naked and initiating sex is a good way to, you know, get laid.

And that's not even what I was going to blog about today. I was going to blog about the inability of various people to accept that women do not delay or eschew having children in favour of a career, financial security or personal satisfaction out of ignorance, but rather out of choice.

But what would I know?


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