Tuesday, September 04, 2007

And a young man's fancy turns to...

Blondie: Is it really still winter? It feels like summer out here this evening.
Tanya: I know, like, did I miss a memo or something? To: The Southern Hemisphere (except tanya), From, from…whoever is in charge of these things, Subject line: Bollocks to this winter lark, summer's the go.
B: It's good, though.
T: Oh, I know. Men in shirt sleeves.
B: I know! So good! And it's nice to be able to wear a skirt with bare legs again.
T: Yeah, the men in shirt sleeves are pretty happy about it. Everyone's checking everyone else out all the damn time.
B: Tell me about it. People just wandering down the street looking at each other all mmm hmm.
T: Good times.
B: Good times.

There's definitely something in the air recently. I have had some serious game going on and believe me when I say it's not like I'm trying, because, hello, married. Suddenly even the stuffiest of my colleagues are tossing me compliments like the compliments are fish and I'm a seal and it's feeding time at the zoo and oh my God could I have invented a worse simile? Even my horoscope, which is usually all Russian doom and gloom, likes me for a change. Well, except for the whole 'keep your mouth shut' aspect, but you take what you can get from an ill-translated Russian horoscope, in my opinion.

And it's not just me. Yesterday I watched a young man go walking up the street, spot a girl in an above-the-knee skirt and strappy sandals, and almost step in front of a car. He'd have died with a smile, at any rate.

The only problem with the unseasonable warmth, from my point of view, is that I suddenly need to shave again. After months of thinking eh, tomorrow will do, it's now firmly de rigeur. At least, unless I want to solidify my reputation as The Feminist One around here, and whilst I have no problem with that in the abstract, I don't think I want to push my luck in a professional-image-assisting-in-the-pursuit-of-promotions sort of way. So I suck it up and shave my legs.

And why is that a big deal? Well, remember how I am both a Delicate Flower and have no fine motor skills? And you know how shaving involves a sharp blade being dragged up and down the skin? Unfortunately, when I am tired and rushing through my morning shower, my lack of motor skills make a mockery of the concept 'safety razor'. Which means I end up sporting a trickle of red to decorate the blue-white of my ankles.

Not a great look. I never was very patriotic.

So I've been trying to think of alternatives. Let's see:

Electrolysis/Laser hair Removal
This is...this is something people actually do? Zap their hair follicles with electricity one by one? Um. No.


I've tried this. Note the past tense. It is safe to say that I do not understand the point of waxing. It's messy, it's painful and it's tedious. In my case it makes my skin blotchy and pink for the first day after the treatment. I could potentially deal with all of these things, except for one thing. It only works if the hair is long enough to pull out. Which means that one can't redo it until the hair has grown back. Which means that, on my calculations, I would have to sport leg hair for the majority of the time. So. No.

Depilatory Cream

As a foolish and overeager 12 year old, I bought some of this stuff to use on my newly sprouted armpit hair and locked myself away in the bathroom for this, my first foray into the tedious business of being an adult woman.
Long story short, if something starts to itch, and then burn, you should probably wash it off as soon as possible rather than gritting your teeth for ten minutes. Unless you enjoy having red, swollen, tender armpits for three months afterwards.

Also, funny thing, turns out depilatory cream should never be used on armpits.

Not Shaving Your Legs

Already dealt with above, but I find it interesting that this is not raised as an option when one googles 'alternatives to shaving'. I'm just saying. Not is 'wear trousers'.

(Yes, I did google alternatives to shaving. Do you want new blog posts, or not? Then hush.)


Blogger Michelle said...

laser treatment's pretty special - I wouldn't consider it an option for legs, though - too expensive and too great an area (and you need dark hair for it to work properly - it doesn't work at all for grey and works less well for pale hair).

It feels like being repeatedly flicked by an elastic band and smells like burnt popcorn. *nods* (works though...)

PS: how the hell does it know my name *looks scared*

04 September, 2007  

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