Monday, August 07, 2006

Unaddressed issues of etiquette

Okay, there are some areas of modern etiquette I’ve never been quite sure about. And I don’t think I’ve seen them addressed in an advice column. So I throw the field open to you, my (three) readers.

Firstly, if your co-worker is snoring quite audibly at his desk behind you, is it politer to ignore him or wake him up? Because…no, really, that’s what’s going on right now. It’s really quite awkward. I’m actually blushing in sympathy, because I can’t imagine a more embarrassing thing happening to me than discovering that I’ve been snoring in front of my co-workers. I just…I can’t even think about it.

(How does one do that, anyway? I can’t sleep unless I’m in my own bed, preferably alone, in total darkness and total silence, and it’s neither too hot nor too cold, the moon isn’t full, the weather outside isn’t too overcast or humid, the stars are aligned and the day doesn’t end in a Y. And this guy has managed to fall asleep sitting upright in the middle of an open-plan office. Un-fucking-believable.)

Secondly, is it permissible to use the disabled bathroom at work to change clothes, if one is going out after work? My floor has a unisex but totally detached disabled bathroom, which is quite spacious. And there’s no disabled people on my floor. And we don’t really get visitors. So it’s not like anyone else uses it, or at least no-one with more legitimate needs. Is that okay? This is a serious question: I’ve wondered for years.

Thirdly, and still on bathrooms, can we all agree that answering one’s mobile phone whilst using the facilities is generally not acceptable? It’s bad enough that we have to listen to one another’s, er, biological functions in the bathroom, I don’t want anyone else listening in.

Fourthly, people who don’t bring towels to the gym and drip all over everything. Now you may say to me, but that is not an unaddressed etiquette issue, everyone knows that that is completely revolting. You obviously don’t go to my gym.

Oh, thank God, he’s stopped snoring.


Blogger abacus said...

hmmm. these are not tricky ethical issues, you know. these are simple yes/no questions. (1) the guy is a bona fide legend. stop picking on him and go back to.... blogging and stuff. (2) spacious disabled toilets are for one purpose and one purpose alone. sex. (3) don't flush mid-call, it is a dead give-away. (4) *my* gym has cute little signs reminding one to byo towel. well, they did when i last visited in 1999.

07 August, 2006  

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