Poll politics

My stupid little poll continues, and I notice that my page hits are significantly up. Ha!

Things I have learnt so far:

Firstly: If you ask a female colleague to rate the qualities above (leaving out the enormous schlong option, because this is a professional workplace and you don’t want to get fired), your male colleagues get very defensive. And you will realise that perhaps it wasn’t the most politic move ever, although you and the female colleague have not deviated into Oh All Men Are Hopeless Anyway or anything, merely answered the question and moved on.

And you will therefore apologise to the male colleague who is now muttering about how All Women Are Fussy No Wonder They Can’t Get Boyfriends, They Don’t Know What They Want (well, actually, sir, we do. We want men with a sense of humour and we don’t care about looks. But thanks for playing!). And when he continues muttering about How You’ve Got To Laugh, Haven’t You, All These Single Career Women Complaining About Being Single When All They Need To Do Is Lower Their Standards A Bit, you will ignore him.

But when he then segues into I Don’t Know What Their Problem Is, Women Run The World Anyway, you will be unable to let it slide any longer, and you will say something like Well, It’s Funny We Don’t Seem To Be In Parliament Or On The Bench Or Earn As Much As You, Then. And there will be an uncomfortable silence.

And then your supply of free Pink Floyd albums will mysteriously dry up. But hey, at least you don’t have to have daily half-hour discussions about Roger Waters any more.

(I actually do feel a bit bad about this. I despise conversations which amount to ridiculing men, and I can see that the guy in question felt a little objectified. But we really weren’t discussing looks, or in fact analysing anything in detail – I just said, do you think sense of humour or intelligence or looks are more important, and she said, not looks, but the other two are important, and we moved on. Honestly.)

Secondly: If you ask your husband what he thinks women look for, he will prevaricate for ages and ages because he thinks it is a trap. And then point out that none of the things in question are the most important aspects of a relationship. And you will agree, because he is right, but you will feel mildly disgruntled that he steadfastly refuses to provide you with a data point.

Lastly, the necessity of discussing ten inch penises via (work) email will force several of your friends to employ hilarious euphemisms. My favourite so far is ‘wangadoodle’. I don’t know about you, but calling one’s equipment a ‘wangadoodle’ is heading into deal-breaker territory for me, ten inches or no.

Anyway, that’s quite enough genitalia talk for now. Stay tuned.