Friday, March 30, 2007

Leaping Mildly Funny Quips in a Single Keystroke

How To Create Unnecessary Pressure On Oneself To Blog, or, A Conversation I Had The Other Night.

tanya: Hey, how are you, haven't seen you in ages
friend: I know! Have you updated the blog? I forgot the url.
tanya: - how about you, been writing much?
friend: Not for fun, only work writing
tanya: Well, there is the url, come say hi some time
friend: Sure! Hey, did I mention I just won an award for best humour column?
tanya: Did I say justsomethingido? I meant, errr, actually, you know what, I haven't been blogging at all.


Knowing my natural tendency towards self-aggrandization and exaggeration, I have in recent weeks tried to adopt a more humble approach to analysis of my favourite subject: myself.

Naturally, this creates a tension with my belief in truth, justice and the expatriate way. It's a fine line I walk, the pressure of honesty keeping me up at night and the desire to overcome arrogance keeping me half-asleep during the day.

But in this one regard, I can no longer hide the truth. A conviction has stolen over me, one that has grown ever stronger until I can no longer ignore its truth.

I have superpowers.

I know, I know, but it's true. I have, in fact, the superpower much desired by children everywhere. The power of invisibility.

At first, I thought it was just a couple of rude commuters. Even a week ago, when I was partway through crossing a road and had to leap back not the curb to avoid being splattered by a car, I wrote it off to peak hour traffic.

But when, three times in a five minute walk to work, I am forced to stop moving and glue my back to the nearest wall because someone - with plenty of room on their other side, mind you - will otherwise walk straight into me, I have to consider other options.

Likewise, when I stand waiting at a shop counter for ten minutes whilst other people walk blithely in, order their coffee and walk blithely out again, and not a flicker of eye contact is made, I have to consider other options.

After all, it can't be that everyone is just incredibly rude, can it?

So henceforth, I will no longer rail at the blindness of others. It is a weighty role that has been foisted upon me - with power comes responsibility, and with superpower comes super responsibility. This is my vow to you: I will use my powers for good, instead of evil.

That, or stealing bottles of Laphraoig from the office of the managing partner.


Blogger Christine said...

Are you saying you didn't CARE about my award? Great superpower, but I'm afraid I don't know what Laphraoig is. I'd look it up, but my superpower is being too lazy to Google.

30 March, 2007  
Blogger tanya said...

I'm saying that I am intimidated by successful funny people.

Also, whisky.

30 March, 2007  
Blogger Christine said...

Oh, see, I don't see myself as successful at all. But it's nice I give that impression. It's all about the impression.

31 March, 2007  
Blogger Jason B. Standing said...

Mmmm... Laphroaig... [drooooooooooooool]

I approve :)

(btw, who is this Christine, and where does one find her column ?)

11 April, 2007  

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