Of course, in the time it took to write a post justifying my lack of a post...

If you're looking at this page through Internet Explorer, I apologise for the wonky formatting that the last post caused. Also, why on earth are you looking at this page through IE?

Anyway, I've been thinking for a few days I should post just to try and improve matters. And I have a post I'm working on about this story. But I don't have the brain power for it right now, for a variety of reasons.

Reason One: The Laptop of Multiple Crashings

Remember my laptop? My shiny, shiny laptop? I had never had a laptop before. I wanted one really really badly. And after a year of hard work* I got a nice fat tax return, with which I excitedly went out and bought the laptop.

Which waited 8 days, thus putting itself 1 day outside the Automatic Replacement window, and started crashing. Over and over. So I took it back to the shop, and they diagnosed a faulty hard drive and…other things, and I waited for them to order in new parts, and duly the laptop was returned to me.

Without an operating system installed.

"Oh, you should be able to run that from your recovery disks"
"What recovery disks?"
"That you burnt."
"I had the thing for eight days, during most of which the computer didn't work, when were you thinking I'd have done this?"
(deep sigh)"Send it back, we'll order some in".

So I did, and they did, and the laptop was returned to me once more. And there was much rejoicing, and the pitter patter of tiny keyboard strokes brought joy to the household once more.

For about a week.

So I'll go back to the shop, and I'll have to go all lawyer on their asses which I really, really don't want to do, and I'll…well, hopefully end up with a working laptop, because it's been four months now, and the thing's depreciating by the second, and it's all a horrible use of time and energy. Which could be used writing intelligent insightful posts about pornography, feminism and free speech. Or drinking.

Reason Two: The Work Function Of Much Alcohol and No Food

I don't mind work functions, normally. Free wine, free food, decent conversation, what's not to like? Unfortunately in this case, although the wine was indeed free, and free-flowing to boot, the food was entirely animal-based and the conversation…less than riveting. Time after time, the wine waiter topped up my glass. Time after time, the servers came round with exquisite nibbles of food; asparagus wrapped in prosciutto, elegant little chicken sandwiches, sausage rolls in flaky sesame bespattered pastry, bruschetta with pieces of rare steak and caramelised onion perched atop them, honeyed meatballs in dipping sauce…one by one they wafted past me, and one by one I waved them away.

Three hours in, I decided I was just too hungry to stay, and departed. When I got out onto the street I realised I was a lot drunker than I thought I was. By the time I got home - later than I'd intended - I felt horrible. Just horrible. I called hello to the husband, watching TV in a room out of sight, and went upstairs to strip off and take a shower before facing him. Except that then I realised I couldn't get my necklace off because the motor skills required were entirely beyond me. Getting dressed again in order to go downstairs and ask for help? Equally so. So I decided that lying on the bed for a few moments would help, much as the best way to open a tricky lock or achieve an elusive orgasm is to not over-think it but just relax and let it happen.

(So you would have used a different analogy. Sue me)

Needless to say, an hour later the husband came upstairs a little confused and woke me up. And then took my necklace off for me, ran me a shower and made me a bowl of soup. I'm such a catch.

All of which meant that I was inappropriately hung over yesterday and couldn't write intelligent insightful etc.

Reason Three: The Unfeasibly Labyrinthine Work Journey.

It's currently taking almost twice as long to get to and from work as usual, thanks to a car racing event that has blocked off half the city streets and several arterials whilst welcoming a huge influx of young men in wife-beater t-shirts and loud cars. Yesterday the husband tried to drive into the city to pick me up, and after twenty minutes stuck in traffic gave up and parked wherever he could, leaving me to walk almost a mile to the car. Which I wouldn't have minded, but I got stuck behind a horde of said obnoxious young men and had to listen to their commentary about a girl sporting a skirt of the I Can't Believe It's Not A Belt variety for three blocks.

This had nothing to do with my lack of serious posting. It was just annoying, and I was on a roll.

Reason Four: The Internet of Time-Wasting Opportunities.

This isn't a reason either. It's just an excuse to post the fact that if you think you've found enough reasons to procrastinate, and you haven't yet tried nailing jelly to a wall, you're not procrastinating hard enough.

*Mostly standing around in bottle shops pouring people glasses of wine but if it adds to the pathos to claim that I was a coalminer, I'll come to that party.