Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Besides, no-one needs to hear me try and sing soprano

The profession of law has the second highest incidence of alcoholism of any profession, apparently. I suppose that after four and a half years working to gain admission to the bar, they’re determined to make the most of it.

And yes, I did decide on this topic so just I could use that joke. Oh, like it comes natural to you.

Anyway, this particular statistic came up in conversation the other day at work; fittingly, over Friday night drinks. One fellow in his mid-thirties opined, somewhat smugly if you ask me, that ‘as a single man’ he makes sure never to drink alone, and that he will therefore never succumb. Purely out of scientific curiosity, I asked him if he thought it acceptable to drink alone if one were not single, but happened to find oneself alone for the evening. Oh, definitely not, he said,, no, never. Two of the young blonde secretaries (I think there’s a cloning lab somewhere that caters exclusively to law firms) nodded in agreement, evidently feeling that one would only be alone for the evening if one hadn’t enough friends and admirers to take one out.

Well. Not wishing to gain a reputation for argumentativeness, much less dipsomania, I held my peace. But really, let’s face it. He’s wrong.

Let me count the ways.

Firstly, I’m not single, friendless or unemployed. Which means that I rarely have the opportunity to spend an evening alone in the first place. If anything lubricates my path to lushdom, it’ll be drinking in company, since it happens about a hundred times more often.

Secondly, because a night alone is a rare pleasure (and its rarity is part of the pleasure, I hasten to add), I’m damned if I’m going to spend it sipping herbal tea and…and…dusting or something. And neither would you. You’d take advantage of the fact that you have unfettered access to the television and you would watch Bridget Jones’ Diary for the fifteenth time, and you would do so whilst drinking white wine. Well, you probably wouldn’t, because I think most of you are male. But I feel my point stands.

And finally, it’s well known that one says tactless, ill-thought out or at the very least excruciatingly dull things whilst in one’s cups. Why on earth would I want to inflict that on another?


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