In Which Our Heroine Contemplates Growing Up

Okay, first, I wasn't kidding about the chest infection, nor the resulting abdominal strength. So it's all good. What's three days off work, a nose so sore and red that one of my nostrils cracked and started bleeding and a total inability to hold a conversation for two weeks, compared to marginally flatter abs?

I got over it a couple of weeks ago, in the end. The illness, not the sarcasm. So where have I been? In the office, mostly, covering for those colleagues whom I infected and subsequently took to their own beds. It's been quite the fortnight.

Basically, I've been neglecting the blog for so long that I seriously considered just giving it up. I mean, come on, I missed my own one-year anniversary. And if I don't have the time to self-aggrandise, what's the point?

But fear not, my incessant need to talk endlessly irrespective of any audience has overcome once more. There will be blogging – oh yes, there will be blogging.

Ah, people, people. I can't be funny today. I am tired, and stressed, and my life seems to have skewed so far in one direction that I can barely remember what 'work-life balance' is anymore. And I know that the answer to that is to force myself to spend time on good healthy things and not on – just to pluck a totally random and practically hypothetical example from the air – drinking too much wine and watching three episodes of Boston Legal back-to-back.

(I jest, I jest. I don't have time to watch anything longer than The Daily Show most weeks, let alone three hour-long episodes of James Spader goodness).

So I'm facing hard truths, I guess. If I want to have the energy to keep living like this, I need more exercise, better food and less alcohol. And the only way I can fit in the exercise without abandoning the husband to long nights on his own is to get up at 5.30 and get to the gym before work.

Either I'll fail, in which case – well, nothing new there. Or I'll succeed, and I'll be one of those people who gets up at 5.30 am to get to the gym before work, eats apples as 'a treat' and doesn't drink. Because hey, everyone wants to hang out with that person, right?

I'm not sure which sounds worse. Let's find out.

And now a message from our sponsor

Tired of sweaty gyms and long queues? Sick of expensive machinery? Fed up with empty promises and no results?

Don't despair!

With our award-winning breakthrough technology, you too can have ROCK HARD abs with minimum effort. Our technique works with your everyday life so that you are exercising the muscles whilst you work, whilst you play, even whilst you sleep*!

Its power lies in its simplicity. No fancy diets or rigorous schedules, just all-natural all-organic goodness. This technology contracts and releases your muscles without you even having to try, strengthening and sculpting as you watch!

And how much does it cost? Well, hold on to your seats, because you're not going to believe it. This revolutionary new technology that works with your natural rhythms to sculpt your abdominals without disrupting your schedule**

...it's not $500, it's not $100. No!

For a limited time only, this wonder product can be yours FREE with every purchase of $30 and over from your local chemist.

Don't delay! Get ChestInfekshon (TM) today!

*Disclaimer: product may in fact affect sleep.
**And your schedule***.
***And don't even get me started on what it does to one's sex life. Jesus.